When I was pregnant, I worried about not feeling excited and whether I would love my baby enough. I would make myself look at all the things we'd bought for her and try to summons excitement.
Friends would tell me that I would have nothing to worry about. They said that when the baby arrived, I would discover (on some level) just how much God loves us- because the love I would feel for my baby would reflect His love.
When babies are first born all they do is cry, feed and poo- oh, and if you're lucky they'll sleep occasionally too. They can't give you anything in return for all that you do for them, yet you love them completely and unconditionally.
They were right. I loved Ruby from the moment I saw her and although she is currently trashing our CD collection as I type- my love for her increases with every passing day. I love her so much- it hurts. I would gladly humiliate myself to make her smile, I would willingly die to save her.
I love her- not for what she can do for me, but because she's Ruby and because she's mine.
That's how God thinks about us- that's how he thinks about you. He loved us even when we were wading in our own muck- completely helpless and unable to please him in anyway. Yet he loved so much that He willingly sacrificed his precious Son to save us.
In the 7 months that I've known Ruby, there are many other parallels I've noticed between my relationship with my little girl and God's relationship with me.
I remember trying to change Ruby's nappy when she was just a few weeks old. She would scream blue murder. Her reaction nearly always made me smile- as it seemed so disproportionate to her situation. It would often make me think about the way God sees us.
Throughout life, we can find ourselves in various confusing and unpleasant situations- much like a baby finds having its bum exposed to the cold air to have its nappy changed. There have been many times when I've found myself in a heap on the floor crying 'God- why me?!' in a rather self-pitying, baby-like fashion. Just like babies, when we can't see the bigger picture, we can get ourselves in a bit of a state. Things can look like they're going seriously wrong, but sometimes God is just leading us through something to make us grow. I think God must sometimes smile at us and say 'Look, I'm not doing this to harm you, I just love you too much for you to be sitting around your own poo'.
Ruby has now been crawling for the past month. She also loves to climb up pretty much anything. I seem to spend my days chasing her- and I know this will only increase as she gets older and more active. She will spot something- usually a wire or something else that could kill her, across the other side of the room. You can see her start to excitedly plan her route, which is accompanied by some very excited grunting sounds. She will ramble across the room on all fours, her eyes fixed on what she wants. She'll have her little fists around her desired wire, just about to take a big dribbly bite when I come along and take it off her and move her back to where she came from. It's at this point that she reminds me of myself, when I've spotted a job, a qualification or a business that I'd like. I excitedly start to imagine myself in the position, my route to work, the things I would buy with the extra money, the success, the extra letters after my name!
When God closes the door of opportunity for us. When he pulls you away from that 'dream' job and puts you back where you were, it can feel like he is just the biggest spoil sport who doesn't want you to succeed in life. You feel like Ruby- disappointed- with nothing to show for all your efforts. In fact, very often he is protecting us. He's stopping us from us taking a big bite from an electrical cable and electrocuting ourselves.
When life doesn't quite go my way- I'm learning to remind myself of Ruby's behaviour. I'm learning not to act like a baby when I'm disappointed, but to remember that God is in control and that He will work everything for my good. I know that when a door slams shut in my face- it's because He's got something better for me. I also know that sometimes He will lead me through fire, not to burn me, but to refine me like silver.
(Proverbs 16:9)
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.
(Jeremiah 29:11)
(Jeremiah 29:11)
For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant,
but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who
have been trained by it.
(Hebrews 12:11)
