Not the time to plod like a penguin with cold feet

As I've mentioned before: I love to make things. One of my dreams is to make a living by selling the things that I make. Over the years I have made (some) money from selling my wares, but I've never really got to a point where I've felt I could confidently say that I have my own business.

People have often complimented me on the things that I make: "Oh, you should start a business!" Or "I love that necklace, where did you get it from?" But somehow, I've never quite believed them. Even when a customer is handing over a wad of cash to buy my products, I've often thought to myself- they're just doing it to be nice.

It's so easy to have an idea or a dream and talk yourself out of doing something about it. But...

I've decided this is the year to believe in myself and the gifts that God has blessed me with. A year for laying aside my fear of failure and for chasing the ideas that I feel God has placed on my heart.

A friend from church recently gave a word at a prayer meeting. I can't remember it word for word, as I was holding a squirmy toddler at the time. But basically he said: 'This is not a year for plodding like penguins, getting cold feet. This is a year for soaring like eagles and doing what God has told you to do.'

So this is me taking my first tentative flight as an eagle and announcing my new business: Little Ruby Makes.

I've changed the name of the business, because I've changed, life has changed, and because my little Ruby is one of my greatest sources of inspiration.

I sell cards, jewellery and prints with character and with meaning. I have designs that I've done already and that you can buy 'off the peg' as it were, but generally my products are for personalisation.

You could buy a card with the birth details of a friend's baby on.

A necklace with your child's drawing on it.

A framed print of a verse or quotation that lifts and inspires you.

Here's just a little taster of things to come. Watch this space.

 

Dedication Day

On Christmas day 2011, I was in the depths of depression and could barely force my dinner down. Thankfully, Ruby was too tiny to have any recollection of this, but that day I set myself two targets.

1. That the following December, Steve and I would host Christmas dinner at our house. First target achieved. We hosted Christmas for both our families- with minimal stress and no food poisoning!

2. That when we dedicated Ruby, I would share my story to the whole church, of how God delivered me from depression. Well today, this second target was achieved! Thank you God!

I am far from a public speaker. I have been known to run out of a room in floods of tears to avoid speaking to a just a small group of people. So the fact that I managed to stand in view of the whole church  (without passing out) was testament itself to the transforming power of God!

What an emotionally charged day!

                  
                   Unfortunately, you can't actually see Ruby's face here,

as she's too interested in the big screen behind her- the same applies to Daddy!

 

We hardly got any photos of the day- too busy enjoying it I suppose.

But here is Ruby taking it easy in her book box, after a long, tiring day

 

 

Kickers, Record Bags and Boys

Since writing my last post about what God thinks of us, I've been thinking a lot about identity and acceptance. It's a topic I often gravitate towards writing about. What we think about ourselves directly effects the way we behave and the way we live life.

As a child, a lot of my sense of identity and self worth was based on what toys I had or didn't have. I remember my friend getting a bike that had five gears, my bike didn't have any, this was not a good day for me. Next birthday, I got a bike with fifteen gears- woohoo! That was a good day in the little world of Sarah Webb. I never used half the gears on the bike, but knowing that I had more than my friend was enough for me to maintain a warm feeling of self satisfaction.

As I grew up into a teenager- clothes were my new focus. I don't think secondary school was a particularly pleasant place for anyone- you're at your most self conscious in the place where you're at your most judged. Kids can be mean! When I first started Bartholomew school, Kickers were the thing to be wearing, as were record bags and hipsters. I didn't have any of these, I constantly felt a weird sense of embarrassment about this.

The day I got an Ellesse record bag was a good day. Kids around school would comment on it- 'cool bag!' This was it- I had made it- I now owned something that was 'cool'. When they asked where I'd got it- my shy little 12 year old self scurried on past- keeping the knowledge to myself that it was actually a fake Ellesse bag from the market. Imagine the shame if I'd confessed!

My grades were another area in which I based my self worth. I worked incredibly hard to get the best marks possible. My friends and I were often labelled boffins but this didn't seem to bother me. What bothered me was if I got a B and my fellow boffin got an A. That could leave me wallowing for a week. That's until, the next week, when I got the A. Then Miss Smug returned.

Over the years, I tried to get my sense of self worth from hundreds of sources. My late teens and early twenties were marred with low body image. Starving myself and over exercising made me feel good about myself. Seeing the pounds drop off gave me a confidence boost like nothing else.

However, when the pounds went back on, it was a different story. I remember coming back from a night out, where I'd been rejected by a bloke I really liked. My friends seemed to get loads of attention from the opposite sex, but I felt fat, ugly and a bit useless. I went to use the bathroom before going to bed, but didn't turn the light on, because I couldn't bear to look at myself in the mirror.

As I've got older, closer to God and hopefully a little wiser, I've learnt that to base your value on factors that change, is a very dangerous thing to do. If you only feel good about yourself when you are the skinniest, the cleverest, the most fashionable, you are doomed to a life of feeling like rubbish.

I look back on my younger years and think if only I believed what God had said about me all along. His opinion of me has never changed! He loved me from day one. His love for me doesn't depend on my weight, my grades or my clothes.

He made every cell in my body. He knows me better than I know myself. The very hairs on my head are numbered. He made me for a unique purpose that no one else could achieve and cares about the minutest details in my life. The same applies to YOU.

xx

You're Lovely!

This morning I was rummaging through a bag of scarves, hats and gloves that I'd completely forgotten about. Right at the bottom I found a scarf that made me smile...

Several years ago, on a quick trip to the supermarket, a lady started talking to me in the salad section(as you do). I can't quite remember what she spoke about- but I'm pretty sure it was lettuce related.

Having lived in London for a few years, I wasn't used to strangers starting conversations with me and so I tried not to look at her like she was a complete weirdo. She quickly apologised for bothering me and explained how she'd recently spent a lot of time with her sick mum in hospital and just needed a bit of random conversation. She looked a little tearful.

I told her it was fine, but struggled to know what to say. She complimented me on my scarf and I responded with "Miss Selfridge, £12." I seem unable to not respond in this way when I receive a compliment about my clothes- fashion Tourettes possibly?

Anyway, after a very brief conversation, we went our separate ways. She carried on shopping, whilst I queued to pay. It was here that I had this sudden voice come into my mind. "You should've given her your scarf". At this point, I knew God was talking to me. I remember thinking: Oh Lord, please don't ask me to do that... she'll think I'm completely mental! I ignored the voice and scurried off to another shop.

However, the voice telling me to go back got louder. So, I reluctantly went back to the supermarket. I found the lady and awkwardly approached her. "I felt that I should give this to you'. She smiled. She said it was very kind of me but she couldn't possibly accept it. I explained how I had too many scarves anyway- and probably shouldn't have bought it in the first place.

It's then that she said something that stuck with me. 'You keep the scarf and then every time you wear it, you'll remember how lovely you are'. I handed her a flyer for my church and said she should come along sometime and then once again, we went our separate ways.

It's funny how much it lifted me, remembering how this lady thought I was lovely. It got me thinking, how much more should it make me smile- knowing that the God of the universe also thinks I'm lovely. In fact, He loved me so much, that He willingly let his precious Son die for me, when I was actually far from being lovely.

So my reminder to you at the start of this year is: you're lovely! You're precious, you're unique and cherished by a wonderful, loving God, who wants to get to know you more.

xx

Be Still and Know that I Am God.

When I started University, the first project that we were set was to create an image to express something of our personal identity. This could be done in any medium and so I chose collage.

I took a photograph of myself, cut it up and put the pieces back together, all higgledy piggledy. I made it look as though my head had exploded. Words spewed out of my head, representing my many thoughts at the time. I then coloured it with multi-coloured felt pens. The resulting picture looked much like one of Picasso's distorted faces.

As this image suggests, this was not the most peaceful of periods in my life. I missed my Mum and Dad. I missed my home town. I was overwhelmed by the new things I needed to do for myself. I was scared of the rough neighbourhood that I had moved into. I was trying to fit into the uni way of life, whist trying not  to compromise my faith.


I don't have the picture anymore, but I remember it vividly. Over the years, I've learnt to trust God more and worry less, but from time to time the 'Picasso' me begins rear her ugly, exploding head again.

I'm sure a lot of you can relate to it. Having so much you want to do and not enough time or resources to do them. That feeling like your chasing your own tail. Trying to be the perfect wife, mother, employee, friend, christian and failing miserably.

When I started this blog, I really wanted to post regularly, but recently life... just got in the way. I started a new part time job, which I love, but means time is a little tighter. Ruby had her first birthday and Christmas is rapidly approaching.

Sometimes, we just have to stop and realise what's important... and what's not. As christians we should have inner peace and if we don't, something's got to give. Would it really be the end of the world if I didn't get time to make my own christmas crackers or would Ruby be emotionally scarred if I bought her birthday card rather than making it?

I put ridiculous expectations on myself- I think many of us do. I take on too much and then wonder why I'm stressed.

It's good to have goals and want to be like the amazing woman in Proverbs 31. But at some point, we have to realise that we are only human.

I bought a book recently called 'Simply Wonderwoman: a survival guide for women with too much to do.'

I really love the idea behind this book. There are lots of tips and ideas for keeping on top of a life as a busy, working mum. And the book itself is really nicely designed.
However, I have to be careful how I use the book as it can turn me into a crazy lady. I suddenly want to make all my own cleaning products, make all the Christmas presents, make a scrapbook of our last family holiday, whilst looking effortlessly fabulous.

Joanna Gosling herself said:
‘My life isn’t perfect, no one’s is, but I think many women try to create a façade of perfection’

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/home/you/article-2045094/Interiors-special-The-busy-womans-guide-everything.html#ixzz2DqMaxLex

So I have to remember this, when I read the book.

If you struggle with this as much as I do these verses are for you:

Be still and know that I am God. Psalm 46:10 Not, rush around like a lunatic and forget about God.

and

Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Matthew 6:32-34 Not, seek first your many projects and become slightly hysterical.

If our many activities are beginning to encroach on our relationship with God. If we are losing our sense of peace, we have learn to say 'no'. Sometimes this means saying 'no' to our own ridiculous expectations and sometimes this means saying 'no' to other people, who unintentionally make us feel pressurised.

I have not prioritised God recently. Reading my bible and spending time with God has not been very high on my to-do list. It's so easy for this to happen. But, when we do chose to put God first, if we stop and trust that He will help us to do what is necessary, everything will slot into place.

So chill! x

Frame it

There are few things I've been meaning to get around to for absolutely ages. And, I've finally set some time aside to do some of them.

 

I really wanted to capture Ruby's hand print in clay. I rolled some air dry clay out until it was just over a cm thick. I then pressed her hand into it, making sure I got all the fingers and the outline of the palm. You have to do it it pretty swiftly before baby starts to move and scrunch their fingers- or you end up with 10 digits and ugly, finger nail marks. I'm really pleased with the result.

Another thing that I've wanted to do since we moved in, is a put up a welcoming/encouraging verse for visitors to see as they come in. I bought the frame, designed and printed the poster and asked Steve to hang it for me. He promptly broke the glass whilst doing so. So we hung it without the glass-I think it looks effective without it- as it's printed on really nice card stock.

We're always taking photos of all sorts of things. Since having Ruby, we have taken absolutely hundreds of her. For years, I've had little stash of frames, waiting to be used- and I hardly ever get around to printing photos to put in them. So this month, whenever Ruby naps, I lock myself away in my work room, print photos and put them in all my neglected frames and albums.

 

I bought these pictures from Cornwall, a couple of years ago. We love Cornwall and have several memorable holidays there, so we wanted to have something to remind of the place at home. 

I thought these colourful, little nautical scenes by Jane Bell were just right. They're actually greetings cards that I bought from Padstow. I've put them in good ol' Ikea frames and hung them in our kitchen.

 

Boobs, Beta-Blockers and The Bible: How I Became A Christian

I always went to church. As a family, we attended an Anglican church in the village that I grew up in. Mum is and was a Christian and brought me and my brother up with Christian values. I always knew God existed and I would pray from time to time, I thought that I was a Christian because Mum was. I was always a well behaved child, in contrast to my older brother and I thought this made me ‘good’,

I thought this made me ‘acceptable’.

My parents had a very messy break-up when I was 11 and my world was turned upside down. I began to attend a pentecostal church with my mum. This was a real culture shock, but it was here I discovered the work of the Holy Spirit. I also began to gain a proper understanding of the gospel and that I needed to make a commitment of my own. There were always opportunities to become a Christian at the end of church services, but being very self conscious and lacking self-confidence, I would resist going to the front. I would never stand up during worship for the same reasons. I remember being at a conference with my mum, and being really struck by the lyrics ‘mountains bow down and the seas will roar at the sound of your name’. I had begun to discover just how awesome God is and I remember telling my mum that I was stood up on the inside.

 

I worked extremely hard at school and got very stressed throughout my GCSEs, to the point of being prescribed beta-blockers by my GP. I was really excited to finish my exams and have 11 weeks off school before A Levels started. When I finally finished my exams, it was quite an anti-climax, I suddenly felt purposeless. I was struggling with a lack self confidence and was incredibly self conscious of my developing body. My friends wore pretty, figure hugging clothes and under-wired bras. I wore comfy, but ugly crop tops and baggy, boyish clothes- anything to cover myself up, anything to hide behind. This led to me feeling very down. It was the first time in my life that I discovered that my parents could not solve all my worries. One night in bed I felt so depressed and scared that I got into bed with my mum. She began to re explain the gospel to me. She explained about the many laws of the Old Testament and that this is how the Jewish people tried to gain acceptance from God. She then explained how Jesus had defeated our sins and sorrows on the cross. Taking the punishment for all the things I had done wrong and that He loved me unconditionally. It was here that I made my own commitment to God.

Although my mood did not immediately lift, I began reading the bible, finding verses appropriate to my situation. I really felt that God was close to me and this would often fill me with emotion. Around that time there was a song that I listened to a lot. It was a Whitney Houston song about friendship called ‘Count on me’ and I strongly felt God speak to me through its lyrics: ‘Count on me through thick and thin, a friendship that will never end, when you are weak I will be strong, helping you to carry on, call on me I will be there, don’t be afraid, please believe me when I say, count on me’. One thing I have discovered over the years, is that God will speak to a person in a way that is appropriate them. In this case, showing a teenage girl that he loves her and can be completely relied upon through a pop song.

God has been so faithful to me over the 12 years that I have known Him and He continues to amaze me daily. He has blessed me with so much and I feel more loved and accepted than ever before.